Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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