Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
