I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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