It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just high enough for therapy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize