Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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