I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
