I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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