his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
