My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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