it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
