I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
