Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
