Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
