that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My feet surprised me
Randomize
