Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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