running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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