Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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