This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can I color on your dick again?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
