Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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