Will you blow on my dice?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
