What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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