look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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