You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
