the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think my moral compass just broke
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize