theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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