guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
