Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
