my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
