get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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