Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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