It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The ass gains better be worth it
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