Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
