I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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