I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize