Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
