i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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