that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
