I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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