if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
