Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
