If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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