Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize