We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
