A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
