Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
