I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
