so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
