yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
