We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
