i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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