I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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