Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
