Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
