When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
