oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
