He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
