Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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