i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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