i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
