If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
