She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
