Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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