They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
