Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
