Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
