My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
