Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize