the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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