question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize