Ambien. No doubt about it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
