who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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