all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
