YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
