A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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