He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
