Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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