I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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