Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
