Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
