He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
