my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
