haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There r osticjed everywhere
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
