Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
