Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
