try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
