she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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