She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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