he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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