last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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