um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
