But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
