I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
