i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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