so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize