I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
