remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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