Got a toothbrush?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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