I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
