just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
