we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
