it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
