ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
