I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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