I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
