I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
