My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
