As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
