I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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