escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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