Its about making memories worth repressing
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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