he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
