Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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